Tharja's Diary
by PlegianTrio
Summary: Tharja decides to write about her life and her relationship with Robin in a diary.
1. Prolog: Having a Diary

_A/N: This Story takes place during the time the shepherds invaded Valm. I don't own anything in Fire Emblem._

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 **Prolog: Having a Diary**

I have a diary now.  
It wasn't my idea, I don't even know what I'm supposed to be writing. It had been Robin's idea.  
He gave this diary to me as a gift, saying that writing down my thoughts will help me organize them.  
He also said that it would be good for me to get my thoughts and feelings straight, although I still have my doubts.  
How is writing down stuff, that happened in your life, supposed to help you in said life?  
But since it was Robin, I couldn't just say no.

Robin himself doesn't have a diary, but I do know that every now and then his personal thoughts find their way into his strategy-logbook, that nobody but him reads.  
Well, at least nobody but him is supposed to read it, but I of course read it anyway, after I took it from his desk, while he was asleep.  
If he wants no one to read it, he shouldn't have left it in our tent unattended. I for example will make sure that no person will ever read my diary. I don't really have anything to hide, but I still want to be on the safe side.

Yet I'm still not sure what exactly I'm supposed to be writing. Right now I'm just scribbling down some thoughts, because I'm waiting for Robin in our tent and need something to pass the time until he returns to me. I thought if I just started writing, I could come up with something, but I already have no idea how to continue, so I guess I will just stop for today and end the prolog of my diary. Do diaries even have prologs?  
I don't know and I don't care. This is my diary and I do what I want.

End of prolog

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 _A/N: Hope you will enjoy this insight into Tharja's character._


	2. Chapter 1: Being married

**Chapter 1: Being married**

It's been almost seven weeks since Robin and I married and I have never been so happy. Every moment that I can spend with him is pure bliss.  
I wouldn't want to give that up for anything in the world.  
It is interesting though. Only two years ago, when I still lived in Plegia the thought of marrying someone couldn't be further off my mind. I didn't need any friends and I definitely didn't need any lovers. I was very comfortable being alone.

I didn't like other people and other people tend to not like me either. So it really was best for everyone, if I stayed away from others, or rather made others stay away from me. But this changed when I joined the shepherds and met _**him**_. Robin was (and still is) a smart man, with a cool head and a warm heart and exactly what I needed in my life. I'm honestly not quite sure how exactly I managed to win his heart, especially since my early attempts at getting his attention have ended (disastrously) unsuccessful, but I definitely won't complain.

When he proposed to me, it has been a rush of different emotions for me. Shock, confusion, slight disbelief, but most of all happiness. I still remember how each morning after his proposal, I would wake up, fearing that it had all been just a dream, made up by my own inner desire for his affection.  
This made the waiting for our wedding almost unbearable, but it was well worth it. Standing in front of the altar with Robin at my side has been an amazing feeling and I have been so happy that I didn't even mind wearing white. Though I don't remember much else of the ceremony, since I only had eyes for my Robin.

Now that we are married, I enjoy every second I get to spend with my lovely husband. Not that I didn't like spending time with him before, but back then my love felt so one-sided. Now I can feel the pleasure of being showered in Robin's little signs of affection and return them without being rejected.  
It's odd, but when we're together, I feel so light and playful. I enjoy teasing him a little and joking around with him. Usually I never act like this, but when I'm with Robin, I just feel like having fun. My new favourite thing to do in the morning is to fondle his belly after he wakes up, because I can see how much he enjoys my touch. He will smile at me, greet me with a sweet good-morning-kiss and then we would cuddle for a few minutes before we get up. There is just no better way to start the day.

Sadly, more often than not I wake up in our bed alone, because he already left to work on his strategies. He says that I look so cute when I'm sleeping and that he doesn't want to wake me up, but I want him to change his behavior. I am not a morning-person, but I would rather be woken up at sunrise every day than wake up just to see that Robin already left. Overall, if there would be one thing about Robin I could say I don't like, then it is how busy he always is.  
He doesn't have as much time for me as I want him to. It seems I have been under the delusion that if we married, Robin attention would be all mine and mine alone.

I should have known better. Of course he still has tons of stuff to do that isn't related to me, like planning battle-strategies or checking our resources.  
I out of all people should have known best how much he does for this army, have I not been stalking him since my first day here.  
I always try my best to assist him in is work, by doing little things like bringing him his coffee, counting our spare tomes or informing Frederick or Chrom about his strategies when he's too busy.

Yet I still wish I could do more for him. I'm really starting to get worried over him and his workaholism. It seems as if he can never take a break and just relax for a few hours. There were even days, when I had to curse him to sleep, because otherwise he would have worked on his tactics the whole night. He has so many things that he wants to do in one day, but even a brilliant mind like his can't do everything at once.

This, however plants a scary thought in my mind. Am I just one new chore for him? One more aspect of his daily checklist that he has to attend to?  
No, it couldn't be. When he spends time with me he seems as happy as I am, we are inseparable. For a short period of time we are like one heart and one soul. It can't just be me who feels that way, I'm just worrying too much.  
And yet if he wants to spend time with me as much as I want with him, then why does he always have to have other things on his mind.  
I get that he is important to the shepherds, but he belongs to me now, I should have a right to occupy his time whenever I want. I just feel so lonely without him.

This reminds me of something I noticed recently.  
Back in Plegia I liked being lonely. It was just me and my thoughts without any annoying, unneeded people interfering. A day where I could be all alone was a good day in my eyes. But that has changed.

Ever since I have Robin, being lonely feels so awfully painful. Something I enjoyed before has turned into something so dull and joyless. Every second without Robin hurts my soul. Are worries and loneliness the price for his love and affection? Oh, why can't I just have him for myself forever?  
In times like these I have to do something I usually don't like doing. Think positive.  
I am married to Robin. He loves me. It's great.  
Maybe if this war is over he will have more time for me. Yes, this is how it will be. At least I hope so.

End of chapter 1

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 _A/N: The first chapter of Tharja's diary is about Robin. What a surprise.  
Tharja might be a clingy wife, but she also takes care of Robin. Gooood care._


	3. Chapter 2: Plegia

**Chapter 2: Plegia**

I recently received a letter from my parents back in Plegia. Despite the constant threat of risen wandering through the Plegian desert, they seem fine, which is unsurprising since they are very powerful and scary sorcerers who nobody would want to mess with. Even back when I was a child other people tended to avoid me out of fear for my parents. Yet even without my parents, they had all right to be avoiding me, because at the age of seven I already knew five different ways to kill someone with magic. However, this talent of mine did not come without a price.

When I was 18 years old, Gangrel's men started forcing everyone who showed a talent for magic or other form of fighting into the Plegian army. Refusing to join was considered treason and punished with death, so I didn't really have a choice. Even the power and influence of my parents couldn't compete with a direct order from the king.  
I was assigned to the command of general Campari, a strict man who was fanatically loyal to his country and had an extreme hatred against Ylissians. The majority of the soldiers were men, who seemed to think that fighting for the Plegian nation would be a great honor and that they would be celebrated as heroes and get all the money and women they desire. These fools, they didn't realize that all they could hope for was a permanent place in the army and more pointless battles in which they can risk their lives. If they even survived the battles we fought back then that is.

Being one of the few women in the troop, I had to endure a lot of flirting from my fellow comrades. They did not know that trying to flirt with me is a grave mistake.  
Temporarily muteness, sudden hair loss and terrifying nightmares are just a few of the punishments, that overcame anyone who overstayed his welcome with me.  
These annoying, shallow morons didn't deserve any better. They weren't even good fighters. During our first battle against a group of Ylissian invaders, I felt like I was doing all the work. A few of our soldiers fell that day and I think a monk from the enemy-lines managed to escape, but other than that it was a perfect victory.

Still, the life in the plegian army was nothing for me. I wanted to get out of here as quickly as possible.  
Some time after Emmeryn was kidnapped, I overheard a conversation between two of Gangrels underlings by sheer coincidence.  
Okay, maybe it was not completely coincidental, since I used a special spell, designed to spy on people. Apparently, after Gangrel heard how useless Campari's troop was, he decided to use them as bait for the Ylissian army and then attack with a special troop of wyvern-knights from behind. Hearing that fueled my hatred for this man just more.  
I was used as bait like some unimportant, replaceable dummy. Not with me!

When the battle started, I looked for a way to flee. Even if fleeing from battle sounds a bit undignified, at the time I saw no other option. Except that even fleeing seemed impossible with Gangrel's armies in my back and the shepherds at my front. The fact that I'm still alive is all thanks to Chrom's naivete. He noticed that I didn't try to fight back and I was shocked when he offered me a place in his army. Trusting an enemy-soldier is incredibly stupid, especially for a prince, who is supposed to lead his country.

I probably could have struck him down right there and without a leader his army would have been in shambles. Plegia could have won the war easily.  
But what use would that have had for me? Sure, I would have survived, but I would still have to live as a Plegian soldier under Gangrel's reign.  
I didn't want to serve Gangrel, I wanted to see him fall, I wanted him to die a slow, painful death, so I took Chrom's offer and joined the shepherds. Originally, I had only planned on staying with them until Gangrel was defeated, but a certain tactician managed to change my plans in that regard.

But Robin wasn't the only thing that got me excited back then. My heart was beating twice as fast as usual and while Robin probably had something to do with that, there was also another reason.

My whole life I had to follow the rules of my parents. They were very strict, they had to be. Acting mildly while raising a dark mage can be deadly, so I don't blame them for their parenting. And yet, despite (or maybe because of) my strict upbringing I felt like a rebel at heart. Betraying my country and going against the system made me feel alive in a way I never felt before. Even when the odds were against us I never regretted joining the shepherds. And in the end everything turned out great. Seeing Gangrel die has been very satisfying for me. He truly got what he deserved. I'm just a little upset that I didn't get to kill him myself. It was Chrom who landed the finishing blow, but I guess he had some unfinished business with this man, so I understand that he wanted to be the one to end him.

I haven't really been in Plegia since then. All I know are the things that my parents write me.  
Apparently the Grimleal have been becoming even more influential than before Gangrel's defeat. I personally don't believe in gods and I certainly won't bow down to anyone, not even Grima. I also find these Grima-fanatics to be very shady individuals, but I guess you could say the same about me as well and I have to admit that as suspicious as they are, they invented a few very useful curses.

Aside from the rise of the Grimleal, Plegia also got a new king and his name is Validar. I haven't seen him myself, but Robin and Chrom have talked to him and managed to convince him to provide the shepherds with ships and resources for our invasion into Valm. And while seemingly everything was going great, after his conversation with Validar, Robin seemed much more distressed than usual. Despite me trying to get more information about the event out of him, he didn't tell me about it, until after our marriage. I'm so glad I have finally reached this high level of intimacy with him. He now finally trusts me enough to tell me all of his secrets. Although I had to swear on our eternal love that I won't tell anyone about what happened, which means I can't write it down either. It will forever stay a secret between just me and Robin (and Chrom and Frederick but who cares about these two).  
Speaking of Robin I think I hear his footsteps coming towards our tent. I have to end the chapter and prepare for my love's arrival.

End of chapter 2

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 _A/N: Today I present to you a bit of Tharja's backstory. Well, my interpretation of it anyway. I always liked to think of Tharja as a little rebel.  
Also Campari is actually the name of the commander you face in the mission in which you recruit Tharja._


	4. Chapter 3: Chrom

**Chapter 3: Chrom**

One of the biggest reasons why I was so happy when Robin proposed to me, was because I thought he would now spend more time with me than with Chrom.  
I was wrong.

While it is true that he gives me much more of his attention than before, Chrom still takes up the majority of Robin's time. And even though I know that they have to converse with each other, since Robin is the tactician of Chrom's army, it still makes me unbelievably angry seeing these two together, especially since I'm sure they spent more time together than would be necessary.

Every other person would already shiver in fear of the threats and curses I would rain down on them, but Chrom is a special case for multiple reasons.  
First of all, he is the exalt and the ruler of Ylisse, while I am a Plegian foreigner. And while the shepherds are being very welcoming (and very naive) when it comes to foreigners, other Ylissians are still suspicious of me. I don't particularly care about what other people think of me, but I can only imagine the backlash of the Ylissian popularity if someone found out I threatened or even cursed the exalt himself. But the worst thing about all of it, would be that, now that I'm Robin's wife, he would suffer from my actions too.

This alone is already a good reason why I can't curse Chrom, but then there is also Frederick, Chrom's loyal knight and the only person among the shepherds, who is on my level of intimidation. He always seems like he wants to destroy everyone who opposes his lord and as much as I hate to admit it, I do not want to mess with him.  
But even ignoring all of that, I still couldn't bring myself to curse Chrom, since he is the reason why I'm not a dead corpse in the Plegian desert right now, as well as the reason why I met Robin in the first place.  
I feel like I owe him and I hate owing people something.

Chrom is also not that bad of a leader, since he actually provides for his nation and properly leads the people that follow him. He is not a tyrant like Gangrel, so I actually don't mind being loyal to him. And while Chrom can be so naive that it's almost painful, his courage deserves respect.

But just because he has my respect, that doesn't mean that I have to show him respect. And it definitely doesn't mean that I trust him, when he spends time with Robin.  
After many weeks of spying on them, whenever they're together, I'm slowly starting to think that maybe he actually isn't trying to steal Robin from me, especially since he is married himself, but I'm still not 100% convinced. I am also confused why Robin enjoys spending time with Chrom so much. Is it because Chrom was the one who found him lying in the field when he was unconscious? Maybe Robin feels like he owes Chrom too?  
I could just ask Robin how exactly he feels about Chrom, but maybe I shouldn't. I fear that I might end up not liking the answer.

But that makes me wonder, what would it have been like if I was the one who found Robin lying in the field. Would he be completely devoted to me like I am to him? Would our love reach an even higher plane of existence? I will never find out, since I can't change the past. I have to accept that Chrom found Robin first.

And out of respect for how he let me join his army at a time where I had nowhere to go, I will also accept that Chrom spends a lot of time with Robin, at least for now.  
But I swear if I find out that he takes their relationship even just a little beyond pure platonic love, I will find a way to make him suffer. I will make it clear to him that Robin is mine, by teaching him a lesson that he will never forget. And nobody will know that it was me who did it.

So I hope for Chrom's own sake that he knows his place when it comes to Robin. I don't want to rely on forceful methods, but I definitely will, if I feel like I have to.

End of chapter 3

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 _A/N: Tharja's opinion of Chrom must be interesting. In her supports with Stahl she says that she is loyal to Chrom, but I think she would also be very jealous of Chrom and Robin's friendship. Also, am I the only one who thinks Frederick is pretty intimidating? I mean threatening Chrom while Frederick is around is just as dangerous as threatening Robin while Tharja is around._


	5. Chapter 4: Desires

_A/N:_ Warning, this chapter contains some minor suggestive themes.

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 **Chapter 4: Desires**

Back when I lived in Plegia I didn't have any interest in anyone. Even though all the girls around my age started having dirty fantasies about boys, I never really got what was supposed to be so interesting about them. At first, I questioned if I was weird for not having inappropriate dreams like all the others, but soon I was glad that I was different.  
Learning the arts of dark magic was complicated and required a lot of concentration, sexual desires would have only been an unneeded distraction.  
So I was very proud that I could see myself above these trivial, basic instincts.

And yet here I am, several years later, getting horny like some hormone-driven teenage-girl, if Robin merely winks at me.  
It is a little pathetic to be honest. I don't even know when it exactly started. At first, I was simply fascinated by his rational mind and wanted to be with him, questioning what it would feel like to be loved by him. But after a few weeks of stalking him, I slowly noticed different desires overcoming me. I wanted to feel his skin next to mine, I wanted him and me being as close as two people can be, I just wanted him to make love to me.  
These dreams of mine finally came true after we married and it was everything I could have hoped for.

I still remember our first time like it was yesterday. It was a cold night. I was a little nervous, because

No, I shouldn't try to describe that day. I could not possibly capture this event with mere words. It would just end up being an insult to the real thing.  
Anyway, while I'm mostly satisfied with our late night love life, a part of me still feels a little frustrated about how effortlessly Robin can bring forth these secret desires of mine, especially since I have difficulties on having the same effect on him.

I'm not so skilled in the arts of seduction. I'm more skilled in the arts of scaring people away. I wonder if I should try to learn how to flirt. My past self would have probably rather stabbed her own eyes out, than to learn how to seduce a man, but that's just because my past self had not met Robin yet. And so far my attempts of being flirty with him usually ended up feeling weird and awkward.

I recall a day on which I heard a few women at the market discuss about what they would want their husbands to do to them. So, I ended up thinking about trying these ideas out on Robin. On the evening of said day I waited for him in our bed in a seductive pose (or so I hoped), while carrying a rose in my mouth. When he entered, his eyes widened at my sight and I tried to do some dirty talk, which proved to be difficult, because I had a rose in my mouth. So it ended up being incomprehensible gibberish.  
I could see that Robin could barely contain his laughter. I felt awkward, angry and ashamed, since I put so much effort into all of it, only to end up as a joke.  
But Robin simply smiled at me, took the rose out of my mouth, put it into his mouth, laid down his coat and jumped into bed with me.  
I have an awesome husband.

Yet sadly that was more of an exception. Usually when I want some alone time with him with him, it takes hours until I manage to get him to stop his work.  
Meanwhile, if Robin wants to have some alone time with me (Something that happens way too rarely in my opinion), it takes him mere seconds to make me stop everything I was doing at the moment and engulf in pleasure with him.  
It's a special kind of control he has over me and if there is something I hate more than anything, then it's not being in control.  
I try my best making up for that, by displaying my dominance over Robin during our private activities. Tying him to our bed usually does the trick. Hehe, seeing him like this, completely incapable of escaping me and fully under my control. Just the thought of it fills me with excitement.

Of course I don't always render him helpless. If I just wanted someone to dominate, I could have married any of these fools among the shepherds.  
I married Robin because of his charming personality and his sharp mind and I obviously want him to put these traits to good use. And I have to say, as much as it annoys me how long I have to wait for Robin sometimes, if I do get him to sleep with me, he can be a beast in bed. He knows me and my body very well and he always knows exactly what he needs to do to make me feel like I'm in heaven. I'm especially happy about how passionate he can be when we're alone, despite his usually rational and cool-headed nature.  
It's like Robin has a secret side to him, that only I get to see and I **_love_** it.

Interestingly, as much as I enjoy wild passionate love-making with my husband, the part afterwards is almost just as good, if not better. Just lying in his arms after we are both exhausted is such an incredible feeling. It is odd, but when I'm wrapped up in his arms, I feel safe, all my worries just seem to vanish, as if nothing bad could ever happen to me.  
I wish these moments could last forever.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about these times and it seems as if they have left a very special secret desire in my head. Seeing how much Robin knows me and how much I trust him, I started wondering what it would feel like to leave all the decisions of our private time to him and offer him both my mind and body, just for one day.  
My inner control-freak is of course disgusted, that I even consider the thought of temporarily giving up my dominance, but I just can't help but be curious what it would feel like if Robin was in control. Just what is this man doing to me?

I think I will have to punish him for making me think those things.

End of chapter 4

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 _A/N: A lot of people seem to depict Tharja as a very seductive person, because of how attractive she is, but personally I like to think that she is always very awkward when it comes to the intimate parts of a relationship. And the mental image of Tharja with a rose in her mouth, desperately trying to come off as seductive is too funny to dismiss.  
I also think that Robin wants her just as much as she wants him, he just has much more self-control than the average man._


	6. Chapter 5: Noire and Morgan

**Chapter 5: Noire and Morgan**

I probably should have mentioned it sooner, but Robin and I have two daughters. Daughters from the future to be more precise. It is very reassuring to know that even in the far future Robin and I will stay together and be a family (also everybody is dead in the future, so I guess that part is not so ideal, but I'm sure we can prevent that, so the part about Robin and me staying together is a little more important to me).

As for my daughters themselves, well, I'm still not quite sure how I feel about two young women showing up basically out of nowhere and claiming to be my offspring.  
I never really thought about having children. Even after I married Robin, I never considered the thought until we met future Noire. And while I think that everything that is a product out of the love between Robin and me must be a good thing, having children is just so stressful and time-consuming.  
I personally would have been perfectly fine if it would just be Robin and me until the end of our lives (and beyond). But I can already see that Robin thinks different. He seems very excited about the thought of creating a family, probably because he never actually had a real family himself (or at least doesn't remember having one). And if this is truly what he wants, I feel like I will have to provide him with such, even if I don't really consider myself a family-person. But for Robin I will have to at least try to be one.

Noire is very timid and nervous all the time. She also seems to have a healthy amount of fear of me, which is good, because it shows me that she has respect for her mother and will do as I say. She is also very eager to learn all the things that I can teach her.  
I took up a mentor-role for her, teaching her a few useful spells, as well as the production-process of various potions and talismans. As for now I am showing her how she can deflect enemy-curses. However, I have decided against teaching her how to curse people. It's not that she doesn't have the talent, far from it actually. She could be a powerful curse-caster if she wanted to. But she just doesn't have the right personality. I just can't imagine her cursing other people and I don't want to corrupt her young mind with my own sadistic tendencies. Am I getting too soft?  
That is probably Robin's fault. He seems to have this effect on me.

Anyway, despite her talent in magic Noire seems to prefer the bow in combat. I have no idea where she got that from, but I'm not about to question it.  
I know very well how annoying it can be if your parents want you to follow them in their footsteps and even though I myself had at one point tried to force her into the dark magic business, I have changed my mind since then. What Noire wants to do with her future is none of my concern. I will only pass on some of my knowledge, not more, not less.  
But I can be glad to have an eager daughter like her.  
I'm still not quite sure if I really want to have children, but if I have to, then Noire is pretty much as good as they get. She might be a coward, which admittedly is very shameful, especially coming from **_my_** daughter, but she is also talented, smart, eager to better herself and respectful towards her mother. I can be very proud of her.

Morgan on the other hand…  
I really don't know how to deal with this child. She is so energetic, enthusiastic and just too much for me. She seems completely out of my control.  
There was even a time where she tried to make Robin fall in a hole she dug. He could have broken his leg! Morgan is a danger to herself and others.  
I mean you could say that about me too, but when I endanger the lives of others it's usually on purpose. Morgan however just goes through the world without any worries, not thinking about the consequences of her actions.

Last month she visited me while I was doing some preparations for Noire's potion-lesson and she just decided to mix two of my most dangerous potions together, just because she wanted to see „what color it would make". The resulting explosion could have killed her if I hadn't pulled her down in time. Half of my cursing utensils were destroyed that day. She apologised of course, but I still struck her with a two-day-muteness-curse as punishment, hoping she would learn not to play around with my stuff anymore.  
Yet rather than seeing it as a punishment she just made a game out of it, trying to mime instead of talking.  
She is just so positive and happy and cheerful. How is this girl even related to me?

And yet I can't bring myself to dislike her. It is because in a strange way she reminds me of Robin. She has the same observing eyes, the same sharp tongue and the same determined demeanor and even if she can act like the biggest dork at times, it is undeniable that she is very intelligent (when she can bring herself to concentrate). She has the same kind of charm to her that Robin has as well. And I can see that the people around her love her for it. Even I hold her already close to my heart, despite the many problems I have with her behavior. I just find it weird how little she and I have in common. There are a lot of things about Noire that remind me of myself when I was younger.  
From her quiet nature around other people to her furious temper when she gets angered, I definitely see a little bit of myself in Noire. But with Morgan I got nothing.  
I am not cheerful, I am not energetic, I am not charming.

The only thing that we have in common is that we both admire Robin absolutely. Morgan seems to look up to her father no matter what he does and has quickly become by second biggest rival when it comes to getting Robin's attention (The first is of course still Chrom). And yet I have noticed that Morgan seems a little upset about Robin being so busy all the time. It is the only thing I have ever seen her get upset over. She probably feels like Robin doesn't have enough time for her.  
At least one thing about her that I can relate to. One connection between us may not be much, but it's a start.

Morgan also showed me her skill with tomes. Just like Noire she has an incredible talent with magic, but unlike Noire she actually uses tomes in battle. And she seems to have a lot of fighting-experience too, almost surpassing me when it comes to battle capabilities.  
And yet, it is strange, but seeing either of them on the battlefield just feels wrong to me. A part of me doesn't want them to risk their lives in this war.  
Is this my motherly instinct talking?

First I develop sexual desires and now motherly feelings? Who even am I anymore?  
I think that is enough for today.

End of chapter 5

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 _A/N:, Morgan and Tharja have a lot more in common than Tharja would think. She just hasn't seen Morgan's supports with Yarne…  
Morgan can be just as creepy and sadistic as her mother and I love her for it.  
Also, don't think I'm trying to depict Robin as a neglectful father. I believe that Robin would be one of the best dads any child could ask for, but his supports with Virion and Basilio make me think, that during the war he might not have as much time for his family as he wants to. This is further supported by Morgan's lines in the "The Golden Gaffe" dlc._


	7. Chapter 6: Dark Magic

**Chapter 6: Dark Magic**

I have to wait for Robin again. It's like this is my life now, waiting for Robin to stop working so that I can be with him. I just don't know what to do when he isn't around.  
I suppose I could continue my studies on dark magic, like I probably should.  
Dark magic is my one true passion besides Robin and two years ago it has been my only passion in life. This is not really surprising though. My parents, grandparents and great-grandparents have all been powerful sorcerers after all. I have been taught in the arts of dark magic since I was a year old, my first words were an incantation-spell. Magic flows through my blood and the darkness is a part of me. People have always been afraid of me for that reason.

There are a lot of misconception about dark magic. People often think that it is evil from its core, but that is not true. Dark magic can be used for good and bad alike.  
Even the name isn't technically correct. The actual term for "dark" magic is elder magic.  
But I personally prefer the name dark magic. It is much better at making my enemies shiver in fear in front of me. Everyone sees dark magic as the root of all evil and I don't have a problem with that. I like the kind of reputation that dark mages have. People respect you much more if they're afraid of you. And I do enjoy scaring people a little. Being scary is one of my defining features, so of course I don't want it to go to waste. I trained hard to get to this level of power after all. Learning the arts of dark magic isn't exactly easy. There are a lot of important aspects about the subject that are hard to understand, especially if you learn it at a young age like I did.

The key to dark magic is control. You have to rely on thaumaturgic energies lying within you. Your inner darkness so to speak. There is a great temptation to submit to this darkness, but if you do, you will become its slave and fall into a state between life and death. It happened to a cousin of mine. He couldn't control the darkness inside of him and became corrupted. He is not dead, but I'm not sure if you could call him alive either. He breathes and has a heartbeat, but he can't move his body or speak, as if he was in a coma. His parents should have known better than to teach him dark magic, his mind has been too weak. I can be glad that my family and I have a stronger will than him.

For example, I don't think anything could corrupt Robin's sharp mind. I have been teaching him a few tricks so that he might be able to use dark magic in combat.  
I always supervised him of course to make sure nothing went wrong, but I should have known that there was nothing to worry about. Robin's control over the dark arts was astounding. He mastered difficult techniques that I needed months to learn in mere minutes. I was astonished, but also a little jealous and even a little scared.  
I knew Robin was amazing, but this display of power was somewhat frightening.

Weirdly enough, even though he has talent, he hasn't been practicing any dark magic spells lately. He says that he didn't like the feeling of performing dark magic, that it made him feel uneasy and uncomfortable. Personally, I don't really know what he means by that, since dark magic always gives me the feeling of freedom and independence. Maybe it is for the better though. While I never felt uncomfortable performing the dark arts myself, a part of me was a little uneasy watching him do it. It is possible that, despite his talent, Robin just wasn't meant for the dark arts.

Since Robin and I both have a natural talent for controlling our darkness, it makes sense that our daughters would as well. They both have been able to use dark magic since we found them, even if Morgan is the only one to use it in combat.  
I would be afraid that they would submit to their inner darkness, if I wouldn't know that this could never happen.  
Noire has a very strong will, even if it only sometimes comes to the surface. But when it does people tend to shiver in fear of the wrath of my daughter.  
Noire would not succumb to her inner darkness. When she gets mad the darkness will succumb to her!  
As for Morgan… I don't think the darkness has any chance against the rainbows radiating from her heart.

But even though they are powerful magic-user I don't want them to cast curses.  
While some would say that the arts of elder magic are much more dangerous than the arts of curse-casting, I beg to differ.  
It is true that technically, the risk of experiencing direct negative effects on mind and body is much greater with elder magic, but curses have an indirect effect on someones mind. Once you really start to cast curses you don't want to stop anymore. The feeling of power and control that you gain by cursing something or someone can be very addicting. I find myself tempted by this kind addiction every now and then, and while I have myself mostly under control, I still don't want my daughters to suffer from the same kind of temptation.

Although, despite the negative effects they can have on someones mind, curses still have a lot of uses.  
Curse-casting is the art of making dreams come true. This includes both good dreams as well as bad dreams. They are a form of magic that is conjured by simple movements without the help of tomes or staves. You just need something of the person you want to curse, as well as some extra ingredients to make sure the curse won't fail or backfire. It is one of the most difficult types of magic and only few managed to truly master the art.

Whenever I come across a new useful curse, I am fascinated by its complexity and I try to find all possible uses that this curse could have.  
I want to be capable of casting as many different curses as possible and so far I think I've got a lot of really good ones in store.  
But I strive for more. There are a lot of different kinds of magic and I want to learn as many as I can. In addition to basic dark magic and cursing I'm also learning about necromancy, sèancen, fortune telling, exorcism, alchemy, voodoo, magic potions and talismans.

So far my studies are going well in all of my subjects. I hope that one day I will be one of the most skilled mages in all of Ylisse, feared by my enemies and allies alike. But until then I got a lot of work to do. I should not let myself get distracted from my studies by anyone.  
Except for Robin. Robin is always a welcome distraction.

End of chapter 6

* * *

 _A/N: I have always been interested in the different types of magic in Fire Emblem, because it is like some kind of science in this world. I also can't help but imagine almost all mages as nerds, who love to talk (or write) about their favourite type of magic and Tharja is no exception.  
Also, in case someone is confused, Noire is able to use dark magic. She said in her supports with Tharja that she learned it by imitating her mother.  
PS: Did someone noticed that I took inspiration from the Canas-Pent-supports from Blazing Sword? _


	8. Chapter 7: The Shepherds

**Chapter 7: The Shepherds**

We have finally beaten Walhart and defeated the Valmesian empire. Not really surprising with a brilliant tactician like Robin on our side. I hope that this means that he can finally take a break and spent time with me, but I have my doubts, because pretty much immediately after we have beaten Walhart, we received a message from Validar, who invites us to Plegia to give Chrom the last gemstone. I have a very bad feeling about this and I can see that Robin and Chrom think so too.  
It also feels weird to me to return to Plegia after two years of living in Ylisse.

I don't think I will have time to visit my parents, but even if I did, I don't think I would want to. When it comes to my parents I prefer writing letters over direct conversations.  
My past life seems so distant now, almost like it was just a dream. The shepherds are also very different from the people in Plegia.  
Robin always tells me I should spend more time with them whenever he is too busy for me.  
He doesn't understand that I don't need any friends, but he still annoys me with this subject at least twice a week. Why can't he see that he is everything I need in my life?

While I don't want to become friends with anyone, it is inevitable to spend at least some time with the other shepherds.  
The Shepherds. How do you even start to describe this gang of misfits? Well, I don't particularly hate any of them. That's a pretty good start. They're decent soldiers, not always annoying and relatively welcoming. Since I'm myself am a bit of a freak, I guess I do feel a little at home among people who are almost equally weird.  
The people among the Shepherds sure make a pretty unique army.

The one that I spent the most time with (by default) would probably be Henry, seeing how he is the only other dark mage among the shepherds.  
We will sometimes exchange our knowledge of the dark arts and I have to say, Henry does know a few interesting tricks. Just the other day he taught me a curse that would grant you the power to switch bodies with your victim. I will have to try that one out on Robin someday (for research of course). Henry's talent for curses is truly admirable.  
His personality, however…

Henry is a bit like Morgan but ten-times worse. He always has this dopey grin on his face and tells a lot of bad jokes. Yet the by far worst thing about him is that I find some of his jokes actually funny. But I won't give him the satisfaction of making me laugh! So far I think I did a pretty good job keeping a straight face and rolling my eyes whenever one of his signature jokes comes over his lips. If someone would catch me laughing at a comrade's joke…  
I don't even want to think about it. My image would be ruined. I must be careful around Henry.  
He is not just cheerful, but also really crazy. And that means a lot coming from me out of all people.

One time when we were agreed on meeting for some curse casting, he showed up wearing an octopus on his head. When I asked him about the reason, he simply answered  
"just because" and I decided not to press on about it. I will never find out why he wore an octopus that day and frankly, I do not want to find out.  
I'm starting to get uncomfortable when I'm alone with him, which is why we have spent more time with Ricken and Miriel lately. The four of us would do magical experiments and exchange knowledge about the different types of magic.

I think out of all the shepherds, Miriel is the one I can stand talking to the most. Conversations with her are actually quite pleasant, since she doesn't make any unnecessary comments or asks redundant questions like all the others. No „Hey Tharja! What's up?" or „The weather is pretty nice today, don't you agree?". She seems completely devoid of these annoying traits, that all the other people have and I like talking to her because of that. Why can't more people talk like this, always getting directly to the point and not trying to keep unnecessary social norms. Not to mention that Miriel knowledge in terms of magic and alchemy gives us a lot to talk about.

The last person of our little magic-group is Ricken, a young mage who wants to become the best at everything. According to Henry Ricken is incompatible with dark magic, which I find very interesting. I didn't know that some people are physically incapable of performing the dark arts. It is especially fascinating since Ricken is able to curse people. I was the one who thought him to do so, after he annoyed me for weeks, constantly begging that I would teach him cursing until I couldn't take it anymore and gave in.  
If he starts getting addicted to cursing it's clearly his own fault.

Anyway, it is good to see that there are many different magically talented people among the shepherds. Together the four of us would do all sorts of magical experiments. Having four different minds focusing on one project can be very refreshing. I don't have to do everything alone and I get to know a few tricks and ideas that I wouldn't have come across otherwise.

But in the end, I do prefer casting curses and performing magic alone. Socializing just isn't my style and having to cooperate with others just feels wrong to me.  
However the one big problem of working alone is that it's sometimes difficult to collect all the ingredients I need for my curses.  
Luckily, I've got Donnel, who will do anything I ask him for and I don't even have to curse him for it. He can collect the ingredients I need more efficient than I ever could and this fool has pretty much become my personal servant as for late.

But as much as I appreciate having Donnel around, there is one bad thing about him. He expects me to do good deeds with my powers.  
How can he be so naive? But he has been too big of a help and I owe him too many favors by now. I think I have written it before already, but I hate owing people something. I don't want to be indebted to anyone. So for good or for worse, I have to do a few good deeds to repay my debt.  
I mean doing good deeds isn't so hard in itself.

Curing the sick here, taking care of the rats there, making sure Sumia's face doesn't kiss the ground every five seconds. That part is pretty easy when you have magic.  
The difficult part is making sure nobody knows that I am the one doing this. The people among the shepherds are way too forgiving. Get caught doing something nice once and you are branded as a good person forever. That would be even worse than getting caught laughing at a joke. I prefer it when people have respect for me and my magic and don't come to me every day begging for my help.  
I would never do something nice out of pure goodness from my heart.

Well, there was that one time I comforted Nowi, a cheerful childish manakete, but that was an exception. Thanks to me she found out that her parents died and was crying her eyes out. I felt guilty, because if I wouldn't have been there, she would have been blissfully unaware of the death of her parents. Nowi can be a bit annoying sometimes (especially her comments about my physic), but I couldn't just leave her like that. I told her that I looked into her future using my fortune-telling-abilities and that I foresaw her having a great life with a lot of friends and happiness. I was lying since I didn't actually look into her future, so I guess you could say I was still being a little evil, right?

Oh, who am I kidding. I was being nice and it didn't even feel that bad. Yet I can't let that become the norm. If I started being nicer people would just try to take advantage of me. I have to keep my image as a cruel, creepy dark mage. Yet I can't help myself but act a little softer around Nowi.  
She seems to think we're friends now and while I don't share that opinion, I can't bring myself to tell her that to her face. I will just let her think we're friends.  
It's better that way. I can endure her happy demeanor for a while, but as much as I'm concerned, I don't need any friends, especially since I've got Robin.  
He is everything I need in my life.

End of chapter 7

* * *

 _A/N: Tharja is a bit of a tsundere when it comes to making friends. Maybe Nowi will be able to get her out of her shell.  
I wish that there would be Tharja-Miriel-support-conversations. They would get along so well. Talking about nerdy magic stuff, not understanding friendship, making people their unwilling test-subjects and other stuff.  
Also, Henry could rock any hat, even one with eight tentacles._


	9. Chapter 8: Worries

**Chapter 8: Worries**

It is sad to say, but my concerns regarding Validar were right. He started another war and tried to revive Grima and even though we managed to defeat him, we couldn't stop Grima's resurrection. Also, Robin's secret is out now. He has been Validar's son. What's even worse and especially shocking for me is that Robin has a strong connection to Grima. The god that I refused to worship is linked to the man I worship like a god. It's like I can physically feel the irony of the situation.  
It leaves me in a weird and uncomfortable position.

But I know that it must be much harder for Robin. His future self became Grima and it makes him feel like everything that happened recently is his fault.  
Even if it was only for a short moment I got a good look at the Robin of the future or at least the person who claims to be him. But this man was not Robin. He seems almost identical to Robin on a visual level, but one look into his eyes were enough to convince me that this is not the man who I fell in love with. His eyes were full of nothing but lust for power, there was nothing left of the kindness of the gentle man who once hold control over this body.  
The Robin of the future, the Robin who shares the same past as my Robin, the Robin who raised Noire and Morgan is dead.

I don't want to think about how the Tharja of the future must have felt after her husband was consumed by Grima. I can't save her Robin now, but I definitely make sure I won't lose mine. I plan on living a long, happy life with my husband and anyone who stands in the way of this goal will have to burn in the depths of hell for all eternity.  
And I know that all of these events are not Robin's fault, even if he won't believe me.

He thinks he needs to make up for something he never even did. These worries and feelings of guilt are really bad for him. He looks sick and needs to sleep, but he doesn't want to hold us down, because he knows we are on a tight schedule. In order to defeat Grima we quickly need to visit Naga's temple, were Chrom must prove his worth to Naga to receive the full power of Falchion, the only weapon that can seal Grima.

You better not screw this one up Chrom or I will personally curse all sorts of horrors upon you, to haunt you until the end of the world, which, if you fail, will be pretty soon anyway.

So of course we are in a bit of a hurry right now, but I still think that catching a little break is important, especially for Robin. He is in such a weak state right now and I think he is starting to have a fever. I finally got him to lay down for a bit, but I fear his mind is still guilt-tripping him about the future-self-becomes-Grima-thing.  
Right now I'm making him some tea, to give him some of his strength back. I'm writing this while I'm waiting for the water to boil.

I think I will mix one of my potions into the tea so that he will fall asleep after he drinks it. That way he can get the rest that he so desperately needs.  
I can't make the potion too strong though. After all I need him to drink the tea up before he falls asleep and not to pass away after the first sip.

I also have to make him a talisman against nightmares. Talismans like this aren't easy to make and their magical properties vanish after just a few days, but if there was ever a need for me to make one of them, then it is now, for I am sure Robin would be haunted by Grima and Validar in his sleep if I don't.  
Then when he sleeps, I will watch over him, just like I did before we married.

I know I am not always the best wife for Robin. I'm jealous and clingy and bossy, but Robin loves me anyway.  
This is why now that he needs me, I have to do everything in my power to make sure he's okay.  
Robin is the best thing that ever happened to me and I won't let anything come between us.

As soon as he gets better, we will have to face Grima.  
Chrom will slay him with his blade, peace will return to Ylisse and my dreams of spending the rest of my life with the one I love will come true.

Yet Robin still thinks he needs to redeem himself.  
He has been very silent lately and refuses to tell me what is going on in his head.  
Robin please, just don't do anything stupid.

End of chapter 8

* * *

 _A/N: Robin is someone who always puts the wellbeing of others first and his own wellbeing last.  
Tharja, on the other hand, seems like she always puts Robin's wellbeing first and everyone else's wellbeing (including her own) at second place.  
If you look at it like that, they are truly perfect for each other. I like to think that Tharja is to Robin, what Robin is to everyone else.  
She will always keep an eye out for him, to make sure that he is safe and secure and doesn't overwork himself.  
Meanwhile Robin's nice and caring personality will be a good influence for Tharja, who can be a bit cruel and asocial sometimes._


	10. Chapter 9: -----

That Bastard! How could he leave us behind?! How could he leave **me** behind?!  
Why did he have to play the hero, doesn't he know that I need him? This fool! Trying to save the people of a far future, not realizing how much he hurts the people who love him here and now. What if Grima will come back in the future? Why should we care? Why should he care? I need him here!

The pain of being without him is unbearable. Last night I woke up in our tent alone. When the memories of Robin's sacrifice popped into my mind, I experienced unendurable amounts of anger and sadness. I ended up burning our tent down out of frustration.

Now I need to sleep in the same tent as my daughters. Both of them were unsuccessfully trying to comfort me, but that just made things even worse.  
I am their mother, I should be the one comforting them. I am just pathetic and useless without Robin.  
How could he leave me behind in a state like this?

The worst thing is that I could have prevented it. The last night before we faced Grima…  
Robin acted different than usual. He spent the whole evening just with me, even though usually before an important battle, he would spend all day working on strategies.  
I should have questioned his change in behavior, but I was blinded by his seductive charm and couldn't resist my desire for his attention. How could I be so dumb?

He knew he wasn't coming back from that final battle. He planned this from the beginning and he wanted our last night together to be a happy one.  
I should have seen through that, I should have stopped him and his crazy plan.

But I didn't. I was craving for him so badly, that I ended up losing the person who changed my entire life. I'm a sad, miserable excuse for a wife.  
And now Robin is gone…

No! I can't accept that! I won't accept that!  
He can't be gone! He promised me that we would live a happy life together! Robin wouldn't break a promise like that, I know he will come back.  
And I know the others think so as well.

Robin, I know you are there somewhere.

I miss you.

You need to come back. Come back for me. Or come back for our daughters. Heck, come back for Chrom for what I care, just please come back.  
I need you. We all need you.  
We all miss you.

Everyone is confident that this was not the last we saw of you.

Robin, we will be seeing each other again!  
And if I have to drag you out of the depths of hell myself!

There is no escape from me!

I will find you.

And we will be together once again.

* * *

 _A/N: After Robin's sacrifice there is a lot of anger, frustration, confusion, sadness, self-pity and desperation in Tharja's mind.  
Let's hope that she will find her husband before she goes crazy out of loneliness._


	11. Chapter 10: Reunited

**Chapter 10: Reunited**

He is back! I don't know how, but I don't care! **_He is back!_** Personally, I like to think that it was the strong bond between Robin and me that brought him back. I have no evidence to back that theory up, but it sounds like the most logical explanation to me. After all, there is no stronger force in the universe than my love for Robin.

It feels just so good to finally have him back after missing him for so long.  
Actually, Robin has been back for over two months now. I just didn't have the time to write in my diary, because I was busy making up for the time we lost while he was gone.

After Chrom and Lissa found him, they brought him to our base where he quickly became surrounded by the other shepherds. When I first spotted him in the crowd, I couldn't believe my eyes. But there was no mistaking it, this was the man who I loved more than anything in the world standing there just a short distance away from me.  
When I ran towards him, the other shepherds backed a few steps away. While they of course missed him too, they were smart enough to realize that now more than ever it was a bad idea to stand between me and my Robin. It is good to see that the others finally learned that above everything else Robin is **_mine.  
_**  
When he saw me coming towards him, a wide grin appeared on his face, alongside with a sparkle in his eyes. Although this happy expression of his soon turned into fear, which might have been because I was running at him at full speed and made no signs of slowing down.  
I ended up crashing into him, making him land in the dirt, while I landed on top of him. In my position I pinned him down to the ground and forced him into a slightly messy kiss. I have been craving to do that ever since he sacrificed himself. I just need him so much.

After I remembered that in addition to Robin I also needed to breath, I broke the kiss and gave him a big hug.  
Okay, maybe it was more of an obsessive grip rather than a hug.

Then we stayed in that position for a few days straight. It may have made it difficult to move or eat or do anything really, but after I had to live without him for so long I just couldn't bring myself to let him go, not even for a second. It took him quite a while until he managed to convince me, that I had to get my hands off him for a while.  
And even then I still wouldn't part from his side. Today is actually the first day since his return that I let him go off alone somewhere.  
I still have the urge to follow him wherever he goes, but even I realized that we can't always be together.

I can still be happy though. The war is over and Ylisse is finally at peace. Which means Robin doesn't have to plan war-strategies anymore.  
And that means more Robin-time for me! Yes, Robin finally has whole days in which he dedicates his attention to nothing but me.  
Whether we train magic together, go stargazing or lock ourselves up in our room for a couple of hours, I always have a lot of fun lately.

Of course he still has a job. He is now officially Chrom's first advisor and right hand when it comes to difficult decisions. Right now he is at a meeting in the royal palace to discuss the future relationship of Ylisse and Plegia. Unauthorized visitors are not allowed in the audience-room at the time and the palace is too heavily guarded for me to try spying, which is why I'm now alone for the first time since his return.

Looks like even now I will have to wait for Robin from time to time. Some things just never change. Like Robin still being a big bookworm, who will always have some strategy-books at hand. The war may be over, but I guess old habits die hard. He also still tends to read and study tactics till late at night sometimes, yet weirdly enough I don't really mind it anymore.

During the times of war I saw Robin's workaholism as his biggest flaw, but after he sacrificed himself and I had to spend some time without him, I realized that I missed that side of him too. I missed the sound of rustling paper-sheets coming from his desk and the sight of him having fallen asleep over one of his books.  
It is all a part of him and without it, he wouldn't be Robin anymore. This is the man I love and I don't want to change a thing about him.  
I guess when you truly love someone you will eventually fall in love with their flaws as well.  
Maybe this is the reason why Robin can endure all of my little quirks.

Now I feel very tired. Maybe I shouldn't have watched Robin sleep the last couple days. I really need some rest.  
And then tomorrow I will wake up with Robin's face in front of mine and we will cuddle and kiss and it's gonna be great.  
I am just so excited to finally be able to live a normal life with him. No war, no fighting…  
Life can be pretty amazing sometimes.

End of chapter 10

* * *

 _A/N: I am really happy with how this chapter turned out, so I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.  
Tharja may makes it sound like she had to live without Robin for months, but I like to think that he wasn't gone for so long. Maybe for about two weeks or something like that.  
Yet for her it must have felt like years, which makes it fun to imagine how she would react when she sees him again._  
 _The next chapter will already be the last one. I try to do something a little different for the ending so I hope you will still like it._


	12. Epilog: Life

**Epilog: Life**

I have never thought I would see my old diary again. I was sure I had lost it a long time ago, but it seems it has been hidden between a lot of junk in my laboratory all this time. Reading it has been very nostalgic for me. It must have been almost 60 years since my last entry after all and I couldn't resist to write one last chapter.

A lot has changed since I stopped writing. Most importantly: Robin died two years ago.  
He died a peaceful death surrounded by friends, but it has still been a hard time for me. I was sure I would never be happy again and I don't think I would even be here anymore if it wouldn't be for his last words. My memory is not the best anymore, but I could never forget the words he spoke to me before he parted this world.

"Tharja, do you remember the time before we married? You would always follow me wherever I went. I couldn't always see you, but I knew you were there watching over me.  
This is now going to be just like that. You may not be able to see me anymore, but I will always be with you, watching over you.  
Tharja, thank you for everything."

I start crying whenever I think about it, but it is the one thing that made me keep going. When Robin was dying, I seriously considered to take my life so that I could be with him. But I realized that this is not what he would want. Overcoming the pain of losing Robin was hard and it took a while, but contrary to what I expected I managed to find happiness again and Robin last words really helped me with that. I can't really explain it, but somehow I can feel that he is with me. And he helps me through this hard time.

He and my daughters of course. Noire and Morgan visit me about four times a week and they often bring their children with them. Well, at least the Noire and Morgan of the present visit me. Their future versions set off into the world with their husbands and started families elsewhere. And while they returned to Ylisse every now and then, their visits became more and more sparse as they got old. They of course still often write me letters and I am always happy to hear about how they and their families are doing, but I hope that I will get to see them at least one more time before I eventually reunite with Robin.

As for their present versions, Noire has a son named Merak. He is a curious boy, who tends to be a little too energetic at times. When they come to visit, he always asks me a thousand questions. I don't even have the time to answer them all.

Noire can be a little overprotective at times. I think she should leave the boy a little more freedom, seeing how he will turn 18 years old soon.  
But she is a good mother. Certainly a better mother than I could ever be.  
Well, I guess I couldn't have been _that_ bad of a mother seeing what wonderful people my daughters turned out to be.

Morgan is still pretty childish despite her age. She got twins, named Senerio and Shirona.  
Senerio is pretty much the opposite of Morgan. Even at a young age, he was cold, serious and humorless. It is odd to see him next to his energetic mother.

Shirona on the other hand is a very shy and sweet girl, who is rarely seen without her mother or her brother.  
Unlike Merak and Senerio who seemed to be immune to my creepiness, Shirona was a little afraid of me at first. It hurt a little knowing that I seemed so disturbing to my own granddaughter, but luckily she warmed up to me as she got older. She even apologized to me for being so scared of me when she was a child. This behavior of her made me laugh. She didn't need to apologize for something so trivial like this, it wasn't her fault that children tend to get scared of me.  
Shirona and I had a bit of a rough start, but it's getting better. I'm glad to know that all of my grandchildren like me at least a little.

All three of them loved Robin though.  
He was as good a grandfather as he was a father. He would always play with his grandchildren in our garden and they would all laugh a lot (even Senerio).  
I'm so glad that Robin had a happy life. He deserved it much more than anyone else. I am not sure if I deserved such a great life as well, but I am very thankful for it.

Looking back at some of my diary-entries I realized how immature I have acted sometimes.  
Why did I not want to admit that sometimes I liked helping people.

I have changed a little since then.  
If one would go into the streets of Ylisse you would hear rumors about an old witch who is said to be capable of making every wish one could have come true.  
But it is also said, that not everyone who went off to visit her came back.  
I really like this reputation of mine.

Often people would come to me, asking for my help. But if I realized that they only want to cheat life or make things easier for themselves out of laziness or selfishness, they have to prepare themselves to get scared so badly that they will pee their pants. I think I managed to perfect my creepy-old-witch-role, with scary laughs, deadly stares and a laboratory decorated so disturbingly that every person who comes in, will feel incredibly uncomfortable. I of course would never do something seriously bad to them, but luckily they don't know that. There is something so satisfying about adult men running away from me like little children.

However, if I get the feeling that my visitors actually need help, I will use my powers to do good for others.  
In my lifetime, I managed to cure multiple diseases, helped lots of farmers with their harvest and brought a little bit of luck to the poor.

Knowing that I could help someone with their life can be a really good feeling.  
I have a nice side and I have a cruel side and I don't have to be ashamed of either. I learned this now.  
People don't lose respect for me because I do nice things from time to time. If anything they respect me more for it.  
Just why couldn't I have realized this sooner? Why have I been in denial for so long? I guess life is just full of regrets.  
But it is also full of happy memories.

This reminds me, the exalt Lucina will be holding a ceremony in which she will grant her daughter Falchion. She is supposed to wield it so that she can protect the people of Ylisse, just like her mother and grandfather did before her. Noire and Morgan will probably have front-seats for the ceremony, since they and Lucina are close friends, just like their fathers were. Maybe I will show up there too, just for the sake of nostalgia, remembering the time when I was still a shepherd.  
Most of the original shepherds are now either dead or moved to a different land.  
There are only two that I still have contact with.

The first one is Henry. He may be older now, but Henry hasn't changed at all. He still is as light-hearted and as crazy as he has always been. He also still tells a lot of bad jokes. I have eventually given up on trying to play the straight face, so I end up laughing and cringing whenever we meet. He is also still a powerful dark mage. I know that there are a lot of people who come to him for his magic abilities, just like they come to me. Neither of us takes money for our services, but if we did, we would be harsh competition.

The other Sheperd that I still have contact with is of course Nowi. She literally hasn't changed a bit since I first met her. She is still the happy-go-lucky thousand-year old little girl that I grew to love. I am also happy to see that the fortune I gave her all these years ago came true. She seems to be blessed with eternal happiness. She may have lost many of her friends to the claws of time, but with her extroverted nature, she always finds new friends wherever she goes. It must be odd to live as long as a manakete. You see all the people you know and love die again and again, but you can meet more people than any other person ever could. It is truly fascinating.

I'm glad that Nowi still enjoys hanging out with me. She would often visit me at my home and radiate my house with her happy demeanor.  
Sometimes Henry would join us too and the three of us would talk about old times and joke around a little.  
Yes, I am actually socializing with other people. The end of the world must be near.  
Jokes aside, it is nice to have so welcoming people around me.

I think I can truly say that I had a very happy and satisfying life and that is all thanks to my lovely husband, my beautiful daughters and my dear friends among the shepherds.  
Now that I spent so long thinking about old memories, I feel a little sad.  
It's a good thing that Morgan wanted to visit me today. She always knows how to cheer me up.

End of diary

* * *

 _A/N: It is done, my first Story on this site is complete. I feel a little bad for ending this on a bit of a sad note. I think that Tharja would have matured quite a bit in the future, which is why I thought it would be a good idea to write an epilog, that takes place 50 to 60 years after the events of Awakening.  
I wanted to depict future Tharja as a wise asshole-witch-grandma, who loves to scare people and can be a bit of a jerk sometimes, but also helps the people in need.  
I also hope that you don't mind me putting in a few OCs in the last chapter. Personally I usually don't like stories with OCs, but I really wanted Tharja to write about her grandchildren, so I had to make them up._

 _I hope you enjoyed my story. Thanks for reading. Reviews are appreciated._  
 _What was your favourite part of this diary? I would love to hear your opinion._

 _PS: In case anyone actually cares for my OCs, here is where they got their names from:_

 _Merak : Merak is the name of a star and a part of the big dipper. (FE wiki claims that Tharja's name might come from the Indian name Tharaja, which means "star in full glow". While I'm not sure if this is actually true, I liked the idea of a star-themed name for her grandson.)_

 _Senerio : Senerio is the Japanese name of Soren from Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn. (In the Japenese Version of Awakening Morgan is named Marc after the tactician from FE7, so I thought it would make sense that her son would be named after a different FE-stategist.)_

 _Shirona : Shiro means white in Japanese. (Shirona is a lot like her aunt Noire, but without the alternate "dark" persona. Seeing how Noire means black in French I wanted to contrast Shirona from Noire by naming her after the color white.)_


End file.
